Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize