every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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