i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
