Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
