wanna go halves on a baby?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
