I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
