Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
