sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
