You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize