Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
