the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize