i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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