absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
