I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
