Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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