barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
