Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
