I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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