I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
