And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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