So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
