I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
