It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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