Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
