just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
