This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
