Sry I called you an 8
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
