dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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