my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
