I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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