OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
