How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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