about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
