I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
