you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
