The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
