why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
