i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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