it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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