Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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