dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
