either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
