We won't sleep together?
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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