OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It's just like the Real World with babies
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
