from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
