i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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