Ambien. No doubt about it.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
they're like a gay fantastic four
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
