$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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