the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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