She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
