No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
