im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I skipped work to stalk him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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