evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
