Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
