her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
two words: eviction party
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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