I got chris browned last night
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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