i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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