and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
