Barsexuality is the new black.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
