The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
