In America we eat man semen.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize