So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
