i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
