she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
