I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
