hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
