I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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