i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
