I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My bed smells like the plague
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