Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
zippers are such a cool invention
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
