he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
