I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
