When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
